All of the work, including photographs and text, on this and the other Froonium! pages is courtesy of PyeCat, who generously allowed us to post it. His website, Focus on Farscape, is loaded with outstanding convention reports.


ACT IV

SCENE 1

DRDs enter with Froonium Bumper followed by cast stage left (except John, Aeryn, and Scorpius)

ANNOUNCER: Coming up next, on TREMORS: The Series ... well, actually, who gives a frelling dren!!? Back to Froonium!

CHIANA: So, D'Argo, do you think this will really work?

D'ARGO: It's either this or we lock them in a cell together for a cycle.

NORANTI: I still think a little of my powder would be helpful

CHIANA: Hey, uh, D'Argo. Do you think you and I could ever, you know, get back together?

D'ARGO: I don't know, Chiana.

CHIANA: Look, aren't you ever going to forgive me?

D'ARGO: It is difficult – loyalty is important to me. I mean you boffed my SON for frell's sake ... just when I thought you couldn't get anymore twisted ...

Chiana and D'Argo

THERE ARE WORSE THINGS I COULD DO

CHIANA: There are worse things I could do,
Then to frell a boy or two (counts off her fingers 2 to 5 towards the audience and shrugs)
Even though the universe thinks I'm trashy and no good
Well, you sure don't have a clue,
That there are worse things I could do

I could flirt with Scarren guys,
Or with some bug with forty eyes

D'ARGO: (spoken) Actually, you just were doing that!

CHIANA: (spoken) Oh yeah

CHIANA: Or ... with someone who is ... dead!
Or with just a severed head
Take no birth control to bed

CHORUS: Oh!

CHIANA: Those are things I'd never do
I'm alone you understand
Only me and my two hands

CHIANA: (spoken to audience) Well, and a couple of vibrating ...

D'ARGO: Ahem!!!

CHIANA: Take cold showers every day,
Cause none of you will play
Or give a frell to see me through
(vamping) All I want's a little fun
I'm not hurting anyone

D'ARGO: (spoken) Well, that's debatable

CHIANA: (angry) So I steal and so I lie
but I can feel and I can cry
I want some love, it's overdue
But to stop feeling for you,
That's the worst thing I could do (sobs)

CHIANA makes a sad lippy face and puppy eyes at D'Argo

CREW: Awwwwwww ...

D'ARGO gives a big hug to CHIANA, she turns to audience and grins and gives the thumbs up, then goes back to looking sad. D'Argo and Chiana run off the stage together.

JOHN: (arrives on stage) D'Argo? D'Argo!

D'ARGO and CHIANA'S VOICES: Frell! Frell! He's here!

D'ARGO and CHIANA run back on stage, wearing each other's undergarments. They look at each other, run off stage again, and return fixed up.

Chiana and D'Argo with Undies

JOHN: What happened???

D'ARGO: Aeryn was working on a coupling in Moya's Froonium Drive. There was an explosion. It is pretty bad

JOHN: Where is she? Oh my G-d. I never got to tell her ...

AERYN: (arrives on stage) John!

JOHN: Aeryn!

They run in slow motion towards each other as "Love is a many splendored thing" plays. When they meet, they hug and then then turn in circles in slow motion while saying:

JOHN and AERYN: I love you!

JOHN: No I love you!

AERYN: No I love you!

(repeat until cut off by D'Argo)

D'ARGO: Okay, Pilot, you can turn off the music. (music stops abruptly) Maybe you two should get a room.

JOHN: Oh Aeryn, Aeryn I didn't get to tell you

AERYN: I know, I know, me either. I am heels over head in love with you

JOHN: Aeryn, that's HEAD over HEELS.

CHIANA: I think she was right the first time. (I like it better the way she said it!)

SCORPIUS: (enters) What is going on? John, is alive!?!

SIKOZU: It all was an infantile scheme of getting the two of them together.

SCORPIUS: Ah yes, I see. Romeo and Juliet. I hate it when the Scapers quote Shakespeare.

Stage Notes: Have fun with this one – can sing back and forth to each other – DRD's and crew just in background. Elflore and CIM can talk together if they want to do something specific and let me know.

YOU'RE THE ONE THAT I LOVE (You're the One That I Want)

JOHN: I got skills, that I'm applyin'
To make wormholes that I control
I gotta protect Earth, so I'll keep tryin'
My brain is fryin'!!

AERYN:
You better wake up
Cause I need a man
And I got the hots for you
Its not wormholes
But what is in your pants
That has got me wanting you

CHORUS:
Ooh ooh ooh
Ooh ooh ooh
Ooh ooh ooh
Ooh ooh ooh
Ooh ooh ooh

JOHN: Guess I'll choose, guess I'll choose to be with you

AERYN:
You're the one that I love
Woo hoo hoo honey
The one that I love
Woo hoo hoo honey
You're the one that I love
Woo hoo hoo honey
The one for me
Oh don't you see?

CHORUS:
You ... are ... you are the one I love
Woo hoo hoo honey
You ... are ... you are the one I love
Woo hoo hoo honey
You ... are ... you are the one I love
Woo hoo hoo
One for me
Don't you see

AERYN: You have changed my direction
Changed my mind all the way
And if you want my affection
Feel your way

JOHN:
I better wake up
Cause you need someone
(AERYN: I need someone)
Who can be right here for you
I better wake up
Better get in the groove
(AERYN: Get in the groove)
Better loose this foolish pride ...
That has got me wanting you

CHORUS:
Ooh ooh ooh
Ooh ooh ooh

Ooh ooh ooh
Ooh ooh ooh
Ooh ooh ooh

Ooh ooh ooh
Ooh ooh ooh

JOHN: Cause I'm sure
BOTH: That I want you by my side

BOTH:
You're the one that I love
Woo hoo hoo honey
The one that I love
Woo hoo hoo honey
The one that I love
Woo hoo hoo honey
The one for me
Oh don't you see?

You're the one that I love
Woo hoo hoo honey
The one that I love
Woo hoo hoo honey
The one that I love
Woo hoo hoo honey
The one for me
Oh don't you see?

You're the one that I love
Woo hoo hoo honey
The one that I love
Woo hoo hoo honey
The one that I love
Woo hoo hoo honey
The one for me
Oh don't you see? (fade out)

CHORUS:
You ... are ... you are the one I love
Woo hoo hoo honey
You ... are ... you are the one I love
Woo hoo hoo honey
You ... are ... you are the one I love
Woo hoo hoo
One for me
Don't you see

You ... are ... you are the one I love
Woo hoo hoo honey
You ... are ... you are the one I love
Woo hoo hoo honey
You ... are ... you are the one I love
Woo hoo hoo
One for me
Don't you see

You ... are ... you are the one I love
Woo hoo hoo honey
You ... are ... you are the one I love
Woo hoo hoo honey
You ... are ... you are the one I love
Woo hoo hoo
One for me
Don't you see (fade out)

Slide of PILOT on the half-shell appears.

PILOT'S VOICE: Wait a microt! Wait just a microt! Everyone on this boat has gotten some action. What about Moya and me?

CREW looks at one another.

NORANTI: Pilot! I'll be right up after our finale.

CREW all look at Noranti in confusion and randomly say things like:

JOHN: Go Granny!

AERYN: Ugh!

RYGEL: Blech

CHIANA: Drad!

SCORPIUS: (to SIKOZU) And they call US the freaks on this show!

SIKOZU: I despise them all.

JOHN: Par for the course, campers! We've always all hated each other. That doesn't mean we aren't a family. We put the fun in dysfunctional!

ALL: Groan ...

Final Song

Staging notes Paired off: JOHN and AERYN, CHIANA and D'ARGO, SCORPIUS and SIKOZU, NORANTI and RYGEL. The DRD's will have fun just singing and moving around the stage. The pairs will get in a line two by two in order that they sing - and will play off one another while they sing - you can do hand motions - bop up and down - whatever you want - we will get this together at practice - it will be easy!

 

WE GO TOGETHER (We Go Together)

ALL: We're stuck together, like ra-ma la-ma ra-ma lama rama Noranti's hair
We all wear leather as shoo-wop shoo-waddy-waddy covers our derrieres
Frell Frell Frell-ity Frelling Dren that's the way it should be wahoo yeah
Our flaws combined and dip da-dip da-dip hurt-le-ing through the void
We're unrefined like a-boogedy boogedy boogedy boogedy
budong with hemorrhoids (make a nasty face in disgust)
Frell Frell Frell-ity Frelling dren we'll always be like one wa-wa-wa-one
And With a supple butt (all point to John's butt - Elfie will turn butt to audience)
and then a taste for smut (all point to Chiana - Elnea can swing hips or something)
well you can strut your stuff
Just Make the plot advance, and you can find romance (arm around partner)
Baby, it might be lu-u-u-ove (sing to partner)

JOHN AND AERYN: Loomas loomas looma loomas–ka-ding-budong
D'ARGO and CHI: Farbot far-botty-botty yippity yotz-de-yotz
NORANTI and RYGEL: Gris grot gris-ity grot shoo-bop
JOHN and AERYN: Kik fekkik fekkik doo-wop da-doo-dee-doo
D'ARGO & CHIANA: Boogedy boogedy boogedy boogedy mooby malik mivonk
NORANTI & RYGEL: Mippippippi mippippippi yipity dip-de boom
ALL: Loomas loomas looma loomas–ka-dinga-budong
Farbot far-botty-botty yippity yotz-de-yotz
Gris grot gris-ity grot shoo-bop
Kik fekkik fekkik doo-wop da-doo-dee-doo
Boogedy boogedy boogedy boogedy mooby malik mivonk
Mip-pip-pip-pi mip-pip-pip-pi yipity dip-de boom

JOHN: (steps forward and belts out) A-WOP BOMA LOO-MOP, A-WOP BAM BOOM!

ALL: We love each other, like a wop boma loo-mop a perfect family
We try together to sha-na-na-na-na-na-na-na live here happily
Frell frell frellity frelling dren, we'll always be together wahoo yeah

GIRLS:
We'll always be together
We'll always be together
We'll always be together
We'll always be together

GUYS:
Frell Frell Frell-ity Frelling Dren
Frell Frell Frell-ity Frelling Dren
Frell Frell Frell-ity Frelling Dren
Frell Frell Frell-ity Frelling Dren

(fade out, 10 times total)

END

ENCORE:

The Encore

ACCAPELLA: We have a number we would like to dedicate not only to the cast and crew of Farscape, but also to the dedicated fans who have proven their affection for the show in an amazing campaign. Feel free to sing along ... just follow the bouncing ball!

FARSCAPE FANS ARE HERE TO STAY (Rock and Roll is here to Stay)

Far-Far-Far-Scape baby Far-Far-Far-Scape Baby
Far-Far-Far-Scape Baby Far Far Farscape Baby

Farscape fans are here to stay, best show of all time
We will always be this way, losing it's a crime
We would watch you every day, Farscape fans are here to stay
We don't care what people say, Farscape fans are here to stay

Everyone of us agrees, we will not say good-bye
Tapes, CDs and DVDs, keep us in supply
So our show will always be, it'll go down in history
Farscape fans we'll always be, we'll go down in history

Fans in millions round the world, we cannot be wrong
Awards and critics speak for you. Networks, hear our song
Put our show back on the air, we're not going anywhere

So come on,
Everybody mail, everybody write,
everybody call, everybody fight
Ah everybody write

Now we want our:
Ben and Anthony, Claudia, Gigi,
Lani, Wayne, Raelee, Jonathan & Tammy,
Paul, David, Virginia,
Rebecca & Melissa

Whatever you go to do, we'll all be here for you
Cast and Crew (and Kemper too), we will see you through
Your work's valedictory, on the track to victory

We will see our show come back, its our only mission
We won't let up our attack, its our new tradition
Let's all go and have a frell, then we're gonna give ‘em hell!

Far-Far-Far-scape baby, Far-Far-Far-scape baby
Far-Far-Far-scape baby, Far Far Far-scape baby
Far-Far-Far-scape baby, Far-Far-Far-scape baby
Far-Far-Far-scape baby, Far Far Far-scape baby

(shouted) FARSCAPE!!

 

< Act Three | ScaperCon Schedule

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