All of the work, including photographs and text, on this and the other Froonium! pages is courtesy of PyeCat, who generously allowed us to post it. His website, Focus on Farscape, is loaded with outstanding convention reports.



DRDs with bumper re-enter across stage followed by Announcer.

ANNOUNCER: Log on to to meet strange and bizarre people like yourself. And now, back to Froonium ...

D'ARGO and JOHN enter stage left, walking while talking. Spotlight on JOHN and D'ARGO when they enter.

JOHN: D, we gotta talk ...

D'ARGO: What's up John?

JOHN: Well, I had just landed back on Moya to refuel the Farscape One when out of the blue, Aeryn runs up to me and blows some funky power in my face ... and the next thing I know, I wake up in my quarters, the sheets are all sweaty and she's leaving with a big smile on her face ...

John's Magic Night

D'ARGO: Don't you remember anything?

JOHN: Well, yeah, I remember everything, but I was busy thinking it was a dream ... a very GOOD dream! Damn, D'Argo, I just don't know what to do about Aeryn ... I think about her all the time but I'm still pissed off that she didn't tell me about the baby. Besides, that powder she used is only making me think Granny had something to do with this. It was all that powder, she doesn't really love me, if she did, she wouldn't have lied.

D'Argo's Advice

D'ARGO: Yeah, that does sound like something Wrinkles cooked up to get you and Aeryn back together. Hmmm ... I wonder if she has any more of that stuff to get Chiana in the mood ... er ... wait a minute, what am I saying??? (John laughs) Well John, I guess you're going to have to decide one way or the other ... and soon ... especially after what just happened.

JOHN: Thanks bud, well, I gotta get back out there and finish my experiments before Sparky blows a gasket!

D'ARGO: Later John. (D'ARGO exits stage left)

John walks over to the Farscape One module and sings "Aeryn" before taking off again.

AERYN (Sandy)

JOHN: Stranded here on Moya, through four years of hell, Why did she lie? Does she give a frell?

Aeryn, you didn't tell me, about our baaaby
The coin we tossed, ended in loss, you went away from me
I found my home, but I'm all alone, I sit and wonder why ay ay
oh why, you lied to me, Aeryn baby

Oh Aeryn baby, maybe, we two can be as one
Somehow, someday, this damn war will be done
I lie at night, stare at the sky, at the star that has your name
Should I, just let you be, Aeryn baby

(spoken) Aeryn baby, you did me wrong, and you know I'm right but you gotta believe me when I tell you, I want you back in my life.

(sung) I found my home,
but I'm all alone,
I sit and wonder why ay ay
oh why, you lied to me, Aeryn baby

Aeryn, Aeryn
Why ay ay ay? Oh Aeryn ...

John exits stage right

DRD with Froonium Bumper across stage as Farscape One is removed from stage. Possible entry with backdrop of Scorpy quarters - and bench or two chairs brought in to center stage, followed by DRD with Froonium Bumper and then Announcer.

Scene 2

ANNOUNCER: Froonium continues ...

SCORPIUS: When I get the wormhole technology we will beat the Scarrens and I will be incredibly powerful

SIKOZU: You know, Scorpius ...

SCORPIUS: You, my dear, may call me Scorpy

JOHN'S VOICE:: Ok Pilot, I'm back out here and ready to wrap this up, could you give me some more spectra readings?

PILOT'S VOICE: Yes, Commander Crichton, they should be appearing on your screen now...

JOHN'S VOICE: Ok ... 3 ... 2 ... 1 ... aww damn ... well, one more time ...

SCORPIUS AND SIKOZU shake their heads in annoyance.

SIKOZU: Anyway ... Scorpy ... you know ...

SCORPIUS: What are you up to, you clever little schemer?

SIKOZU: Now Scorpy, you know me too well for me to trick you. I suggest we join forces.

Scorpius and Sikozu


SIKOZU: Scorpy my dear I think we mesh in many ways
CHORUS: Uh uh uh ahhh
SCORPIUS: I think its clear, this is another sneaky play
CHORUS: Oh-oh yeah
SIKOZU: Teaming with you will make this trip so much better
SCORPIUS: This is a clue you are a two-faced go-getter
SIKOZU: But it is true Scarren half-breeds make me wetter

Scorpius My Dear 1

SIKOZU + CHORUS: Scorpy my dear, Come draw me near
Scorpy my dear, Scorpy my dear

SCORPIUS: Sikozu my dear, you'll help me keep an eye on Crichton
SIKOZU: I am sincere, but your dentition makes me frightened
SCORPIUS: You are too smart to think sex would make me trusting
SIKOZU: But high IQs trigger my hot Kalish lusting
SCORPIUS: Your little plan may lead me near to combusting

SIKOZU + CHORUS: Scorpy my dear, you are my peer
Scorpy my dear, Scorpy my dear

SIKOZU: If you will confide in me it really won't be odd
SCORPIUS: If you hang around with me, I'll let you pop my rod
SIKOZU: The rest might think you're stinky
Your soul is black and inky
I don't mind getting kinky
You're not dinky?
SCORPIUS: I'm a god!!!
SIKOZU: Whoaoo-oh-oa

Scorpius My Dear 2

SCORPIUS: Alright I'll play, why don't we go get horizontal
CHORUS: Play this by ear
SIKOZU: In every way, except for peri-oh-odontal
CHORUS: Scorpy my dear
SCORPIUS: Under their noses, we can get new plans ready
SIKOZU: You won't oppose me once we've gotten all sweaty
SCORPIUS: I don't suppose that you would own a vinyl teddy?

SIKOZU + CHORUS: Scorpy my dear, Scorpy my dear
I volunteer, Scorpy my dear

SIKOZU: Ooh, Scorpy!

SIKOZU + CHORUS: Scorpy my dear,
go get your gear,
Scorpy my dear

SIKOZU: Ooh, Scorpy!

SIKOZU + CHORUS: Scorpy my dear,
we'll persevere,
Scorpy my dear

CHORUS: Ooh Ooh Ooh

SIKOZU: Scorpy my dear

SIKOZU, SCORPIUS, and CHORIS exit hand-in-hand stage left. DRD's with Froonium Bumper.

Crew takes down Scorpy props and puts Moya Command back on stage followed by Announcer.


Crew (except John) enters stage right

ANNOUNCER: Watch Froonium every Friday night at 8pm on the Scaper Channel!

Aeryn and Cast are standing around, listening to:

JOHN'S VOICE: 4 ... 3 ... 2 ... oh, darn it! Wait, wait ... um, hold on ...

SCORPIUS: This is getting depressing

SIKOZU: One would hope he'd run out of air

RYGEL: Isn't it getting to be dinner-time?

JOHN'S VOICE: Okay got it, hold onto your hats ... 2 ... 1 ... and okay, I am almost there ...

CHIANA whispers to D'ARGO, he nods and whispers into his communicator

NORANTI: Does he always do this?

AERYN: I don't think I can take much more of this wormhole business

D'ARGO: We'll give him a few more tries

RYGEL: Surely you are all getting hungry?

JOHN'S VOICE: Aha! I found the problem. This time for sure! 7 ... 6 ... 5 ... 4 ... (JOHN'S VOICE cuts off abruptly)

D'ARGO: John, we've lost communication. Are you there?

PILOT: Captain, Commander Crichton has disappeared!

CREW: Oh no!

RYGEL: Does this mean I can go eat?

AERYN: It can't be true! How can I go on without him? (falls to her knees - everyone rushes around her to comfort her)

Aeryn Surrounded

SCORPIUS: It can't be true! How can I go on without him? (falls to his knees...then looks around. Finally SIKOZU walks over and pats him on the head)

All CREW except D'Argo takes Aeryn off stage. Sikozu walks off with Scorpius.

D'ARGO: Okay Pilot, turn the comm back on ... Crichton, can you hear me now?? (walks across stage a few steps)


D'ARGO: Can you hear me now??? (walks a couple more steps across stage)

JOHN'S VOICE: (overhead-exasperated) D'ARGO!!!!!!????

D'ARGO: Can you hear me now??

JOHN'S VOICE: (cutting in and yelling) YES YES!! I can hear you for frell's sake!!!

DRD by D'Argo raises hand in "V" - like the Verizon Wireless commercial

D'ARGO: Good! ... (short pause) Listen John, we had a problem with the comms, you need to get down here right away, there's been an accident, I'm sorry John, I'm afraid its Aeryn ... just hurry.

JOHN'S VOICE: Oh no!! How can I go on without her?!?!?!

End Act III - Lights out

Actors leave followed by DRDs with Bumper Slide

Enter 1812 with placard with graphic of the website. 1812 exits.


< Act Two | ScaperCon Schedule | Act Four >

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