All of the work, including photographs and text, on this and the other Froonium! pages is courtesy of PyeCat, who generously allowed us to post it. His website, Focus on Farscape, is loaded with outstanding convention reports. 



DRDs re enter stage left with Bumper, followed by Aeryn entering stage. CREW place two chairs close together at center stage.

SciFi Announcer

ANNOUNCER: You're watching Froonium on Friday Prime....

Lights up. AERYN sits alone.

JOHN'S VOICE: Pilot? I'm nearing the wormhole site. It should be appearing ... 5 ... 4 ... 3 ... 2 ... 1 ... Now! Oh, wait a minute. Damn! Um, I will get back to you.

AERYN: (shaking her head) I just don't know what to do. What will my life be like if I have a CHILD??!! I'm just not cut out for this dren, I never even thought I would be alive this long much less be a MOTHER. John isn't even giving me the time of day right now, he acts like he hates me, can't he understand that my life has been pulled out from under me?

Staging Notes:Aeryn lies down on the two chairs at center stage and goes to sleep...the ghosts of Zhaan, Crais and Talyn enter stage right and left and stand behind Aeryn. Stage Crew in front on floor waving flashlights of different colors to create "dream sequence"

PEACEKEEPER DROPOUT (Beauty School Dropout)

ZHAAN: Your story's sad to tell
CRAIS: A PK ner' do well
TALYN: Most fickle girl in the universe.
ZHAAN: Your future's not precise now
CRAIS: You must take our advice now
ALL GHOSTS: Please take it before the three of us disperse (ALL GHOSTS look at each other)
Lalala lalala, lalala lalala, lalala lalala, lalala lalala
Lalala lalala, lalala lalala, lalala lalala, La!

PK Dropout 1

TALYN: Peacekeeper Dropout, no command carriers for you
CRAIS: Peacekeeper dropout, left the ranks and joined Moya's crew
ZHAAN: Well you didn't want to leave them, you couldn't make your mind up
ALL GHOSTS: You didn't join, you tossed a coin, and then you came back KNOCKED UP!

TALYN: Aeryn, get going
CRAIS: Wanna keep your love alive?
TALYN: What are you doing?
ZHAAN: How will you and John survive?
ZHAAN: If you tell him he's the daddy, you could avoid so much strife
ALL GHOSTS: Turn in your pulse pistol, and be his loving wife.

PK Dropout 2

TALYN: Peacekeeper dropout, you don't know what's in store
CRAIS: Peacekeeper dropout, It's about time John knew the score
TALYN: Well you have some Pilot D.N.A.
ZHAAN: And John has all his charms
ALL GHOSTS: But it's time for you to accept the fact, that your baby might have FOUR ARMS!

TALYN: Aeryn don't sweat it
ZHAAN: You'll have no problem being a mom
CRAIS: Giving it lessons, on how to shoot folks and make bombs
TALYN: You have him girl
CRAIS: You rocked his world

ALL GHOSTS: Now time for us to fly
Back to the Uncharted Territories in the ... sky!

Staging Notes: TALYN, CRAIS, and ZHAAN leave stage - CHIANA, SIKOZU and NORANTI enter waking AERYN up from her dream. AERYN looks at the audience and says:


JOHN'S VOICE: Okay, get ready folks ... 3 ... 2 ... 1 ... here comes a wormhole. Now! ... No ... Now! ... okay, um, I meant to do that, scout's honor.

All shake their heads in disbelief

NORANTI: Aeryn, still feeling blue?

CHIANA: Listen. Uh ... It's my fault John's mad at you about the baby.

AERYN: Yes, Chiana, it is.

CHIANA: Hey, I said I was sorry!

SIKOZU: I believe it is a more complicated situation than that. I think Aeryn's emotional upbringing disallows her from forming close personal attachments.

CHIANA: I'm telling you, what she needs is a good frell. So does John for that matter.

Chi's Advice

NORANTI: I have to agree with Chiana. Aeryn, you both need a little fun.

CHIANA: ... and fun is my specialty!

AERYN: I thought your specialties were lying, getting frelled, and breaking promises.

CHIANA: Frell you, Aeryn!

AERYN: You wish!

CHIANA: You're all talk ... that's why you'll never have John!

Aeryn Chorus 1

Staging Notes: Girls - have fun with this - mimic Aeryn all you want too!!!!

I'M NO FUN I'M AERYN SUN (Look at Me I'm Sandra Dee)

CHIANA: I'm no fun I'm Aeryn Sun
Won't get close to anyone
A frosty ideal
Cause I won't learn to feel
I can't, I'm Aeryn Sun

SIKOZU: Watch it ... HEY, I was born PK
I was not brought up that way
Won't get attached
When my itch needs a scratch

ALL: I can't, I'm Aeryn Sun

NORANTI: I don't sing (ooooh!) or dance (aahhh!)
Like tight leather pants (Ooh!)
Don't wear nothing but black (Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!)

CHIANA: John! Take your filthy paws off my leather drawers

SIKOZU: Or you won't get your hands back!

NORANTI: I pretend frigidity
Misery is guaranteed
Scantily Clad
Does my kid NEED a Dad?

ALL: Confused, I'm Aeryn Sun

CHIANA: Crichton! Crichton! You're the one
Frelled your twin but now we're done
Once my main squeeze
Now I'm just a big tease
Numbah One! Ayi-yi-yi-yi!!!!

ALL: I'm Aeryn Sun!

They all giggle.

AERYN: Oh, this is ridiculous. Crichton knows how I feel. He's told me he doesn't want me. All he cares about anymore are his stupid wormholes.

SIKOZU: Pah! His male ego is hurt that is all

NORANTI: Or maybe he doesn't believe you are sincere

AERYN: I don't think he's interested.


JOHN'S VOICE: Three ... two ... one ... oh wait. Sorry, lost my concentration ... stand by ... ha ha ... ahem ... cough.

AERYN: (slaps herself in the forehead) See what I mean?

CHIANA: Yeah right, Crichton's not interested in you. He's so frelling tinked in the head over you he can't even do his stupid test. Hey, Noranti, you got something ... ah ... something that might help her out?

AERYN: No - really.

NORANTI: I have just the thing ...

Potion Maker

While Noranti sings, Chiana grins, Sikozu crosses her arms and smirks, and Aeryn's mouth hangs open after first couple of lines.

THIS MAGIC POTION (Those Magic Changes)

NORANTI: If you need to stroke his libido
Here's a powder that will make it grow
You can blow a little near his head
He'll be running naked to your bed
And then before he suspects
You'll be having hot sex
You'll both be so happy
And you'll find that he cannot resist you

This magic potion for sex promotion
Love expertise it will be a breeze
Give it a squeeze & turn Japanese
He'll beg you please
Come frell him please
Please get on your knees
You'll make him play again
You'll have your way again

The words that you wanna hear
As once again you whisper in his ear
Oh! My darling!

I have used this potion now and then
How'd you think that I get all MY men?
John will finally get what he deserves
All this chastity gets on our nerves
You would be less cranky
With some hanky panky
With your bodies intertwining
We won't have to hear your whining

Oh this magic potion
Oh you won't need lotion
Oh yeah
Oh ... yeah! Zoot doo wah!


AERYN says nothing, continues to look puzzled...then gets a mischevious smile on her face, grabs the powder and exits stage right.

END ACT II - Lights out

Actors leave stage left followed by DRDs with bumper. Stage prop (Farscape One) brought on center stage.

< Act One | ScaperCon Schedule | Act Three >

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